Mrs. Photogentic Pancreas 2007

I have quite the photogenic pancreas. I know, who knew? I certainly didn't. It wasn't until I went in for an ultrasound that I found out.

I woke last Thursday to find that I had a pain in the middle of my back. Great. Slept wrong again. Am I ever going to be able to purchase a new mattress? (The answer to that hypothetical question is no by the way.) I made a vow to be more conscious of my sleeping position that night.

Well, that didn't work. When I rolled out of bed on Friday, the pain was worse. It hurt to take a deep breath. It hurt to walk upstairs. Oh no, I probably have a kidney infection. Never mind that I've never had a kidney infection so what one feels like I can only guess. Nevertheless, I was convinced that's what is was. Until I saw the doctor later that day. No kidney infection, no kidney stone. Probably muskle-skeletal I was told. A pulled muscle from sleeping wrong. Darn, I have got to get those dreams under control! But...because of the exactness of the location, the doctor wanted to send me for an ultrasound. Huh?

Fast forward to this morning. After falling out of bed this morning and making my way to the hospital, blurry eyed and caffeine free, I was lying on the ultrasound tech's bed. Warm gel (where was that when I was pregnant?) on my abdomen and then there my organs were. In shades of gray on the flat screen monitor. How cool! First up, my liver. A nice medium shade of gray with black spots and lines in it. Blood vessels I'm told. Everyone asks, the technician says, it's perfectly normal. Gotcha. Then the gallbladder. A dark gray blob . Basically we're looking for stones or a thickening of the sides. A lot of times gallbladder problems start showing with a pain thru to the back. But she didn't see anything there. However, she wanted to elongate it so I rolled on my side and watched it flatten out. Still nothing. Good. My kidney looks great. She even measured it. (I wonder what the normal size?) Lastly, she's moving the wand around the center of my abdomen, looking for what i'm not sure. Nothing on the screen is making sense to me. Until she tells me the white line running vertical is my spine. The pancreas lies across the spine but the stomach is in front of it so it's usually hard to see. The stomach is full of gas which is why it's virtually impossible to check the stomch with ultrasound. The gas explains the fuzzy gray nothingness I see. But a little twitch of her hand and I see a light shade of gray come into view. You have a very photogenic pancreas, she tells me. Ahh, what can I say...I've been blessed.

Caller I.D. and liars

Why do people lie? More specifically, why do they lie and say they tried to call you? A conversation I had with my ex last night went a little something like this:

Me: I'm calling to find out where your mom is. (She had been in the CCU for over 2 weeks and now the hospital said she was no longer a patient.)

Him: Didn't April call you?

Me: No

Him: I been trying to call you.

Me: Did you get my machine and leave a message?

Him: I got some digital recording. I know what your message sounds like but all I kept getting was this weird digital recording.

Me: According to my caller id, you haven't called since your mom went in the hospital.

Him: (Quiet pause). I must be hitting a wrong digit or something.

Uh huh, sure. Why do people persist in the lie when they know they've been caught? It's enough to make me scream: LIAR!! LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!

Okay, occasionally the caller id fails but when i have 4 phones with caller id, come on.